Opinion: Finding a “Good Muslim Man”

NOTES: The following comments are from Zawaj.com.  Views come from those who live all over the world and consider  themselves practicing Muslims.  Spelling has not been corrected, but comments have been edited (for length).  Content has not been changed.  This message thread was closed in late 2011.

Anonymous (posted first message on this topic on board in Fall 2010):

I feel hopeless in that I simply do not attract Muslim men, or Muslim men my family will approve of at least. I attract educated and polite men, usually of the Catholic faith. One Catholic man even asked my father for my hand in marriage. I have not attracted a Muslim man.

My parents claim to give me the right to choose my spouse as long as he is a “good Muslim, educated, of good family and good character” but maybe it’s just become too hard to find that?

I try to get out more often to keep my mind off of the fact I am lonely.

Hanan:

I’m a Muslim girl, aged 25, and I haven’t had any proposals only because I’m slightly dark. I don’t mind this, and being a Masters, I’m actually very busy these days to go any place to search for eligible men, and I have plenty of non-Muslims who fancy me. Why do Muslim men always want perfection in women, and yet we’re not allowed to do the same (because we get older and lose our appeal)? Is that fair?

SisterZ:

Certain cultures may certainly frown upon a female actively looking for a spouse, but there is nothing wrong from an Islamic point of view if a female looks for a spouse, if of course you adhere to the Islamic guidelines.

In response to this comment:

The Muslim men who are introduced to me are what I call “passive” Muslim men.

That one line holds your problem and your solutions.

Instead of allowing your family to introduce such men to you, look for a good man yourself. By saying that, I mean, don’t allow yourself to be limited by your family’s requirements. I am making assumptions when I say this, but I am pretty sure that your family have never introduced anyone outside of the Indian subcontinent to you. Look for a good Muslim man – period. I know that is easier said than done with our cultural barriers. But its better you find a good Muslim man regardless of what culture he is, than marry a good Non Muslim man.

Liberate your horizons.

Al Aman Al Haqq (a male commenter):

…it has come to my attention that on so many levels, Muslim women are not being able to find suitible Muslim men whom they consider well practicing. It pains me to watch as some of my older sisters in the community 27-32 are still single even though they are some of the most intelligent and well devoted sisters to Islam. These women are in want of good husbands, and more often than not, there is a lack of men.

Sarah (identifies self as South Asian American):

I spent 7 1/2 years taking care of my mother who was suffering from cancer while working full-time. I am back in school to change my career, to become a psychotherapist, because I feel Allah will be pleased that I want to help the Muslim community

…I am in my 30s and want to get married but cannot find anyone. Friends and family have introduced me to some people, but I have the same issues as some of the other sisters [in Islam, not biological]. I am very educated, and therefore, education is important to me. He does not have to have a professional degree or PhD., but education is important. Also, some men are threatened when their wife has more education than them.

I do want to mention that just as many women may want a man who has money, there are way more men who are so into looks, that they will look over marrying a pious, devout woman because her skin is too dark or she is not beautiful enough (however that is defined by the individual person).

I have tried the matrimonial sites; however, it seems that I’ve reached “an expiration date” and the Muslim men on these sites tend to be interested in younger women.

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